Chapter 6: Where Do I Fit In? Ep1 Normalcy vs Chaos
by jjbenzix7
Summary: Excerpt from "Normalcy vs Chaos" - "He turned sharply and stared at her, not allowing her to finish. There was no way in hell he was going to let her tell him when it was over between them. His response was quick and to the point, and just as cold as his demeanor."
1. Ep1: Normalcy vs Chaos

_*A fan fiction story based on the Person of Interest characters. I own no copyrights to the characters or show. Thank you. Enjoy. _

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**POI Fan Fiction Story: Love In Numbers**

**Chapter 6: Where Do I Fit In?**

**Episode 1: Normalcy vs Chaos**_ – _The month of January arrived with chaos and devastation. John and Joss realize that their "normal" relationship is in for a bumpy ride as they try to find time to spend together and confront the lies and deceit that still loom in the balance, causing more stress and division in their relationship. Soon, Joss will discover just why John came to Connecticut...and it wasn't just to see her.

**Excerpt: **_"Only in death will she be able to give it back to you when you remove it from her finger. Only in death will she be able to remove the ring from her finger, when your soul is released from the world in which you live in now. True love, dear, holds the key to our hearts, the power of our strength to endure when love is tested, when it is respected, when it is cherished, when it is worth fighting for. It is then John, and only then...two hearts will beat as one."_

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**Episode 1: Normalcy vs Chaos**

It was four in the evening when they arrived at her apartment. As if trying to make a point, John kept looking at his watch, almost openly timing the distance after leaving Connecticut around two. He pulled up in front of Joss apartment, looked at his watch one more time, and glanced over at her before exiting the truck. Without saying a word she knew he'd just made his point.

Exhausted from the trip, they barely said a word to each other. A questionable tenseness loomed in the air, both was aware of the situation in question, but neither dared talk about. At some point during the trip back from Connecticut to New York, John had become upset with her all over again, touting her with suspicious questions.

She'd come to know that when he needed to talk about something, he would pose several cagey, one liner questions. She had to admit though that now, she fully understood what he meant that morning when he whispered in her ear, _"There are no secrets between us, right?"_

During the trip back from Connecticut he'd occasionally throw out a few one-liner questions, mostly pertaining to darkness and light, but Joss ignored him, basically because she'd been down that road with him before, and frankly, she was in no mood to unravel the shrouded message hidden within his absurd questions.

She knew that something had him twisted in a knot, and it sure as hell **_didn't_** take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. He'd probably picked up the scent of something else looming over them, but this time she really didn't have a clue, and definitely wasn't going to lose any sleep over it.

John made sure that everything had been unloaded from her truck without speaking one word to her, not one damn word! Joss tried to convince herself that it would all blow over soon but in her mind she knew better. Once everything was inside of the apartment, he stood near the front door waiting for her to return from the bedroom. Joss walked into the living room and glanced over at John. She could tell by the look on his face that something was wrong, something was definitely wrong.

The look in his eyes and the cold vibes she was receiving made her feel just a little uneasy. She was unsure of what to say or how to approach him with any form of conversation. Her _John_ had already walked out of the door. The man standing there now was a stranger to her. She felt uncomfortable in his presence, and for the first time, wished he'd just go if that's what he wanted to do.

_"Are you…leaving?" _she asked with uncertainty in her voice.

_"Yeah…I ah…Finch needs my help with something…there's something I've got to take care of." _

His voice sounded subdued, drained, as if he was trapped in his own thoughts with nothing left to say. John kept his hand planted firmly on the doorknob. She could see the anxiousness in his sweaty palms. He wanted to turn the knob and walk out the door, walk away from her, away from everything that reminded him of her.

Joss stood quietly in front of the circular bay window in the living room, her arms folded, her head slightly bowed, twitching her jaw from side to side. She wanted to ask him to stay, but not if he was going to continue to sulk and harbor unpredictable emotions. She hoped her next question would result in him saying **no**. They needed time away from each other, time to think.

_"Will you be back later?" _she asked, secretly hoping he'd say no.

She looked over at him searching for some sign of the John Reese she knew. The John who took her breath away every time she looked at him, made her tremble uncontrollably each time he touched her, and made her smile from inside out each time he…smiled.

A few seconds passed before he said anything. He could barely bring himself to look at her. For whatever reason, he was cold and showed no emotion when he spoke, trying to explain away the reason he had to leave so quickly.

Joss didn't run after him. She didn't beg him to stay. He simply walked out of the apartment closing the door behind him. The silence in the room was deafening, save the pain she was about to release from her body. It was as if every pinned up emotion she'd harbored from the first time John kissed her that night in the apartment, to Beecher kissing her in Connecticut, and everything in between that had caused her pain, she was about to concede to.

Joss could feel her legs getting weak. She clutched her stomach, as her body slithered down toward the floor, her knees bent, one hand clenched up to her mouth, the other pressed against the arm of the sofa supporting her.

Tears began to well up in her eyes, settling at the base. She felt as if she'd been punched in the stomach. His silence was too painful to understand. When he closed the door behind him, it felt so permanent. She knew that John wasn't coming back, not for a while, maybe never.

Joss laid her head down onto the seat of the couch, her arms stretched out in front of her head. As she struggled to get up, she pressed down with her arms until she could lift her body onto the couch. Staring aimlessly out of the window, she could hear people talking as they walked past the building, cars passing by on the streets honking their horns, children playing in the snow, but inside her apartment, there was a deafening silence.

Many thoughts ran through her mind as she played back the last few days over and over again. So much had happened that shouldn't have, but nothing was discussed or concluded, only loose ends remained dangling like live wires.

Three hours later around seven, the sun was fading behind beautiful shades of mauve and golden colored skies. Hints of nightfall was invading the remnants of sunlight as cold winds blew across bare, winter stripped trees, amid the sound of frail limbs cracking, falling to the hardened snow covered ground.

Joss bundled up to ward off the cold winds and ran a few errands around town, one of which to check on the homeless. She discovered a few people scattered in different locations that she often visited, but it was nowhere near what it used to be. She offered transportation to all who wanted to be taken to nearby shelters, and passed out blankets and other much needed items to the few who refused.

Joss later picked up her clothes from the dry cleansers, stopped by a grocery store and picked up a few items, and before going home, she stopped by the Precinct. As soon as she entered the office, Joss was barraged by co-workers who were happy to see her, especially her partner in crime…Detective Fusco.

He even took it upon himself to give her a quick update on some _sticky_ problems that would be waiting for her when she return to work in six days. Much of which involved HR and the invasion of _dirty_ cops. They had almost corrupted the entire Precinct. He also told her about the new guy…Detective Cal Beecher, and how he'd been transferred over to HR two days ago, after complaining about a _conflict of interest_ between him and a female cop.

Joss knew that this whole Beecher incident was going to be one hell of problem. _Usually your past comes back to haunt you years later, after having time to become something from the past, not as soon as it happens,_ she thought. At least that was one problem she could mark off her _to do_ list. She'd made plans to speak to the Captain about Beecher, but now she wouldn't have to.

Fusco warned Joss to steer clear of Beecher. There was something about him that smelled of corruption. He didn't know that his warning to her had come a little too late, but he would soon find out…just how late.

After she finished with outside errands, she arrived back at her apartment and tidied up a bit, which was quick since nothing was hardly ever out of place. Afterwards, Joss took a nice hot shower and curled up on the couch with her favorite romance novel. Her friend Carolyn had already exchanged several text messages with her, wanting to know if she had finished the book.

Carolyn came close to spoiling the ending a few times had she not stopped her. Joss was beginning to rethink the whole _"best friends would never do that…"_ philosophy.

Calls from her mom and Taylor was inevitable but prying, especially calls from Taylor. He wanted the latest update on her and John's relationship. He wanted to know if things were still _straight _between them, jokingly offering to come home a day or two early to counsel them if he needed to. She couldn't help but think that her son had this misplaced, discombobulated notion that he was their relationship guru or something.

Joss couldn't bring herself to tell him that things had gone south with her and John's relationship, so she took the easy way out and assured him that things were never better between them. The lie stung a bit, but saved face.

The night seemed to tick by slowly. Joss felt as if she had been reading for hours but it was only a few minutes past ten, and already she was tired and sleepy. It wasn't like she was expecting anyone to drop by. Her eyes were getting heavy, her body was tired, and the bed was calling…it was pretty much a done deal for her.

Meanwhile…John was on assignment tracking the next number belonging to Wall Street Trader, Adam Saunders. It seemed Mr. Saunders liked to play...and win…BIG. He discovered that Saunders was using the company's money to profit from insider trading, lining his own pockets with silver and gold at others expense.

After following him to his expensive high rise apartment, John also discovered that he was having relations with one of the tenants, who later proved to be involved in Saunders bad investment schemes. He'd cost his investors to lose out big in the markets, including a relative who had placed his life savings in Saunders hands.

After hiding him among the homeless, with the help of Detective Fusco, John was infuriated when he learned that Saunders made a call from that location, leading the hired gunmen straight to him. When the smoke cleared, Saunders was still alive but John had had enough.

Innocent people could have been killed for his selfish act. Saunders showed no respect for the homeless, but soon found himself at the end of John's wrath of having zero tolerance for people who abused the helpless and innocent. Once he'd wrapped up the case, he was able to convince Saunders to do the right thing and pay back the investments he'd lost, to those who had entrusted him with their life savings.

John arrived back at the Library in a dismal mood. Finch knew that something was heavy on his mind. He tried to approach the conversation with caution, parading back and forth in front of John, limping from his desk to the glass board repeatedly with swift steps.

In his unusual way of getting his point across to people when giving advice, Finch began a monologue conversation with him, hoping that somewhere within the scientific soliloquy, there would be a message that John could apply to whatever was holding his mind captive, and Finch had a pretty good idea just who it was that had John in a spiral tailspin.

_"You know Mr. Reese, numbers play a big role in our lives. They define who we are every second of the day in everything we do. From the day we are born, until the day we die, our life will be defined by numbers. But, Mr. Reese, it's what we do with those numbers that separates how we let them define our lives. Nothing worth fighting for comes easy…I should know. One must never accept what comes easy as an accomplishment. The reward is in how we choose to win the fight. It's at that moment...when we get to control the number. We get to choose how we will let it affect our lives. How we want to live that life, and who we want to live it with. Then, Mr. Reese, we get to choose how long."_

John understood perfectly what he was saying to him. He'd come to admire the way in which Finch encased his messages with finality, leaving very little room for doubt or questions. Sometimes though, John wished Finch would be less...long winded, and more to the point with what he had to say.

Four days after they returned from Connecticut, John kept his distance from her as he battled with his own inhibitions, and the decision whether to remain a part of her life, or walk away from it all. It wasn't just about him and Joss anymore, it also involved Taylor, whom he'd grown to love and respect like a son. There were no phone calls or visits. John knew he had a weakness, and his weakness was her, and staying away from Joss didn't come easy.

He worked tirelessly around the clock, making sure that he always had something to do. John needed to be sure that he could maintain some normalcy in his life with Joss and Taylor, and not fear his line of work spilling over into their lives.

He'd also learned that loving someone like Joss, meant that he would be subjected to bouts of competition. He had to learn to restrain his jealous insecurities, especially after losing Jessica to someone else, and then losing her forever to death. John knew that it wouldn't be easy, especially when the competitor had a strong need to make his presence known. A few times he saw Joss from a distance, but made sure that she didn't see him.

Now that mafia crime boss Carl Elias was back into the fray of things, Elias and his small army of followers were leaving bodies scattered throughout the city of New York, fighting for control and ownership. He had already taken control of the Southern Borough of Brooklyn's Brighton Beach , once owned and controlled by the Russian mob. Elias was now making his way into Manhattan's east upper side, staking refuge in several locations from Mapleton to Prospects Height.

Many of HR's dirty cops lived in areas where Elias was staking claim. and they were not exactly rolling out the welcome mat. With a target on his back, he forged an unlikely alliance with Finch, engaging in a chess game of pawn each vying to be the last man standing. John warned Finch that Elias was not one to play the game fair…at best, cheating was his game.

Day five arrived at the Carter residence with no calls or visits from John. It wasn't easy, but Joss accepted it for what it was. Besides, she thought as she dusted the tops of wall units and other items, _Taylor would be arriving home in two days and she'd have plenty to do when he returned._

Fusco was sticking to his partner like glue. He'd dropped by earlier bearing hot coffee and croissants so that they could go over a few cases they would be working on together next week. He had definitely turned over a new leaf in his life. His mission now was to take down as many crooked cops as he could.

Joss had to hurry and get dressed if she was going to meet Detective Fusco in time for lunch. He'd also invited her to hang out with him later to go see a movie. According to Fusco, it was the least he could do, considering she got him a gift but he didn't get her anything.

She finished showering, and dressed down comfortably in Jeans, a slouchy cable sweater and boots. She let her hair hang loose, covering it with a matching cable knit hood. There was no need to make a fuss over it…plain, simple and quick was good enough for her. _Hell, it was Fusco, it wasn't like she was going out on a date with someone _like_ "The Rock",_she thought to herself.

Staring at herself in the mirror, Joss began to feel that maybe her and John really did need to scale back their relationship for a while, at least until they could better understand what had happened, think things through, and tie up a few loose ends. For some reason she didn't feel all that bad about the space they were allowing, it felt...ok to her.

Joss looked down at the ring on her finger and began to pull at it, but...just as before, it wouldn't budge. It would be nice to be able to give it back to John for safe keeping until they knew for sure that they were ready to move forward with their relationship.

_This whole "ring stuck on the finger" thing was beginning to get a little too damn creepy for her,_ she thought as she stared at it on her finger. By now her mind was taking her to a strange place. She was feeling eerie as hell, telling herself that, n_o one would ever believe her if she told them, but there was no way in hell she could make this shit up, even if she tried._

A few minutes later, Joss met up with Fusco at what used to be her and John's favorite little quaint coffee shop. He had become her connection to all things _dirty_, keeping her informed about what was going on within HR and the Precinct. He gave her _blow-by-blow_ on who was involved in what, and how fucking deep. His words exactly.

But then there was this…Fusco had also heard an unsettling rumor and a recording of some sort that was being passed around HR, and no doubt the Precinct too. He didn't quite know how to confront her about it other than to just come right out and say it.

Joss could see that something was on his mind, the way he kept looking up at her and quickly looking back down.

_"You all right Fusco, you're looking a little worried there"_, she said, sipping on the coffee she had ordered.

He glanced up at her looking somewhat nervous, somewhat embarrassed, and dreading to say what he was about to say to her. But Fusco knew that as a friend, he should tell her about the sick joke spreading amongst her colleagues. At least she would have heads up about it when she return to work in a few days. Although he hadn't listened to the recorded message, he had heard the rumor.

_"Fusco?...Are you sure you're all right? I mean…we can take a rain check on the movie if you're not feeling well."_

_"No, no Carter, I'm fine…the movie's still on. It's just that ah…I need to tell you something, and ah…well, to be frank…I think it's bullshit, but...there's some sort of sick rumor and dirty recording going around the Precinct and ah…"_

Joss sat straight up, her eyes widened, her body stiffened. Fusco had her full attention.

_"Go ahead…tell me."_ she said, staring directly at him.

_"Look Carter…I don't believe this shit for one minute. You know those bastards down there, some of them feel it's their fucking job to screw around with other people lives, you know what I mean?"_

_"Tell me what it is Fusco!"_ she demanded.

_"All right Carter, I'll be straight with you, but it sure as hell ain't pretty what I have to tell you. Remember?…I tried to warn you about that son-of-a-bitch Beecher...Well Carter, Beecher's going around the Precinct bragging about the fact that he…and these are his own words Carter, not mine…just so you know that, but anyway…he's going around saying that…he "tapped that ass" when you and him rode to Connecticut together. And the bastard's got some sort of recorded message or something, of you and him screwing around." _

She stared at Fusco and anger quickly filled her eyes. Joss couldn't believe what she was hearing. There was no way in hell this could be true, no way in hell it could be happening. What was said left her speechless for a moment.

_"Why in the hell didn't you tell me Carter? Why didn't you tell me you let that bastard ride with you to Connecticut? Maybe I could have stopped you or…or…said something. I'm telling you, he's fucking bad news. I worked with the son-of-a-bitch a few times back when I was working HR. I thought he looked familiar, but I wasn't sure. The bastard was brought up on charges a few years back for molesting a couple of women, but HR cleared his ass, even after three of the women came forward and testified against the bastard, he walked."_

Joss stood up from the table. The look in her eyes was vengeful. She reached into her coat pocket and threw a few bucks on the table to pay for her share of the meal, even though Fusco had offered to pay. He could see the anger in her eyes boiling to fruition. He tried to stop her but she had only one thing on her mind, and that was confronting Cal Beecher. He quickly paid for the meal and chased after her.

_"Carter!...Don't, don't do this…It'll only make things worse!"_ he said, gasping for air, leaning inside the door of her SUV.

_"Move Fusco!"_ she shouted as she tried to shut the door.

_"No! g'dammit Carter! Don't you see what he's doing? He knew if word got back to you, this was how you'd react. This is what the son-of-a-bitch want Carter, and you're fucking giving it to him!"_

The more Fusco talked about Beecher, the more sick she felt to her stomach, but Joss knew he was right.

_"Listen Carter…go home and get some rest, take your mind off this shit. As a partner and a friend…I'm not asking you…I'm telling you. Go home and cool off. You'll get your day to confront the bastard, I promise. Besides, I want to see that bright smile when I pick you up in a few hours for the movie."_

Joss looked up at Fusco and managed to crack a smile. He was right, attacking Beecher now, with that much anger inside, would be like pouring gasoline on a burning fire.

_"You're going home then, right?"_ he asked seeking confirmation from her.

_"Right Fusco…thank you." _she said with a reassuring smile.

Driving back to her apartment she could barely contain the anger she still felt inside. It took every ounce of will power to keep from stopping by the Precinct to confront Beecher, but as Fusco said, _"She __**would **__have her day." _

Joss main concern now was how, when and where, had Beecher found the time to record the two of them. She searched her mind trying to remember any given moment that might have presented itself to Beecher for him to be able to do something like this.

Then it hit her. She finally had the answers to how, when and where. The seven hours of lapsed time that she could not explain to anyone, had now prevailed, and had returned to bite her in the ass. She shook her head, trying to forget about what happened that night, trying to focus on something else.

During their lunch meeting, Fusco took the time to update Joss on the latest status of Carl Elias. According to the information he told her, Elias had a target on his back, and HR's finest was about to get real on him and take him out.

Word was out that HR wanted to transfer Elias to another prison, but he wasn't sure when the transfer would take place. Fusco had a feeling that this was how HR planned on snuffing him out.

As Joss sat listening to him, her mind kept drifting back to John, wondering what he was doing and why he hadn't called her. It had been five days since she last saw him or heard his voice. Joss tried to forget about him for a while but it was proving to be harder than she thought.

Meanwhile, John had settled back into his old life as if he had never met her. Finch had given him his next number, which involved Mr. Graham Wyler, a suburbanite of Far Rockaway, New York. From the surface he seemed like an average, hardworking family man, who provided well for his family.

In order to pinpoint the actual threat on Wyler's life, John enlisted the help of Zoe Morgan, who he felt owed him a favor. She was shocked but more than willing when John asked her to marry him and move to the suburbs. Although it was all for show, the two of them seemed quite cozy and comfortable in their perspective roles.

They took up residence across the street from Wyler and his family. John needed to get as close as he could, to figure out the real reason behind the threat on Wyler and his family. As Finch searched for more information about his past, he discovered that Graham Wyler was living under the assumed identity of a dead man, which he'd kept hidden from his wife and daughter.

Mr. Graham's past soon caught up with him, leaving him with only two options, either he could maintain the lifestyle he'd come to love as a family man, or he could resume to a life of crime. Although it wasn't easy, John...with the help of Zoe Morgan, managed to intervene before it was too late.

Joss and Detective Fusco exited the movie theater around nine, after catching a seven o'clock movie. Fusco had received an emergency call for police back up in Far Rockaway. He wasn't sure if Carter would accompany him, but he asked, and although not officially back on the clock yet, she was more than willing to help out.

When they arrived at the appointed location, Fusco and Carter were questioning potential witnesses living in the quiet suburban neighborhood, when John and Zoe emerged incognito as a happily married couple. Joss stared at John, who seemed a bit nervous, while Zoe looked on sensing that there was something going on between the two of them.

_"Hi, I'm Carter, I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting…" _she said, introducing herself to Zoe, since John seemed not to be able to. She really wasn't prepared for what was said in response.

_"Hi, I'm Zoe…John's wife."_

He knew that at this point, an explanation would be expected next. John quickly turned and walked away, but not before Joss glared at him with a look of confusion and a hint of jealousy. She heard him when he mumbled beneath his breath, _"long story",_ leaving the two women feeling a bit awkward and confused. Joss later learned that Zoe was only used as his decoy to help solve a case.

Later, after what was the most puzzling moment ever, Fusco dropped Joss off at her apartment around eleven. Once she settled back in, she showered and got dressed for bed, trying to forget the night ever happened. Finally…after a few bouts of tossing and turning, Joss was about to fall asleep when she heard a strange noise.

She quickly sat up in bed and listened carefully. Someone had definitely entered the apartment and was rambling around in her kitchen. _If it was John, he would have said something. And there was no way in hell her mother and Taylor would just show up this late without calling first",_ she thought as she eased out of bed and removed her gun from the drawer of the nightstand.

She slowly walked down the hallway with the gun in her hand, aimed and ready to fire if she had to, but quickly lowered it when John appeared in front of her. Short of wanting to just go ahead and shoot him in his damn foot for not saying something, Joss laid the gun on the kitchen table.

_"Dammit John! I could have shot you!"_

He didn't bother to look at her or the gun, he just walked right past her and into the living room, holding an empty glass in one hand, and a bottle of Vodka he had purchased, in the other. John removed his coat and threw it across the arm of the couch. He sat down, removed his shoes, and poured himself a glass of the Vodka and drank a few gulps.

Joss had a feeling that this was going to be one hell of a long night. She hadn't heard from him in five days, and now this. She followed him into the darkened living room, dimly lit by the street lights lining the sidewalk outside. There was enough light shining through the window to cast a haunting glow, enough so that she could see that John was not in a good mood.

She began to wonder if maybe he had gotten wind of the recorded message and rumor Beecher was spreading. God she hoped not. If he had, this was going to be one hellacious night to have to get through, and she sure as hell wasn't in the mood for any bullshit, not tonight.

After guzzling down the rest of the Vodka from the glass, John sat motionless with his hands up to his mouth, staring out of the window. She leaned against the wall a few feet away from him, preparing for what was to come.

_"Do you want to talk about it?"_ she asked.

_"Talk about what?" _

He poured another glass of Vodka and drank half of it, slamming the glass down onto the table causing her to flinch.

_"Whatever…has you so upset John."_

Joss slowly walked toward the couch, stopping in her tracks when he glanced in her direction. His eyes were telling her not to come any closer.

_"What in the hell makes you think that I'm upset?"_

_"Let me think…I don't know John, maybe the fact that it's been five damn days since I last saw or talked to you…what do you think?" _

He leaned back on the couch with his hands placed behind his head, his legs stretched out across the coffee table and his eyes closed.

_"Okay…I get it…I see…it's like that now, huh?"_ she implied, folding her arms in anticipation of a response.

Joss sat down next to John on the couch. She was not going to kid herself any longer. What was happening between them…was real. The lies and deceit...was real. The situation with Beecher had become painfully...real. She knew that she was going to have to approach John with caution, this was definitely not the time to push any hot buttons.

_"I really do think we need to talk John. We can't go on like this. If it's over between us…"_

He turned sharply and stared at her not allowing her to finish. There was no way in hell he was going to let her tell him when it was over between them. His response was quick and to the point, and just as cold as his demeanor.

_"Is that what you want?" _he asked sharply.

John stared at her uncaringly. He turned his face from her, leaned back and closed his eyes again. She sighed and slightly lowered her head, fidgeting with her fingers. This was not working. Joss glanced over at him for a few seconds. She'd had enough of his bullshit! It was time for them to clear the air.

_"Look at me John!"_ she said, almost shouting as she got up and stood in front of him.

He remained silent, his eyes closed, his head resting on the back of the couch. When she reached for him, he grabbed her wrist. Silence invaded the space between them as he slowly got up from the couch maintaining the firm grip on her wrist.

Joss stood her ground as well, coldly staring back at him. She was determined to get this over with one way or the other. They were now locked in a stand off of intense gazes, neither moving from their staked positions. Whatever was pissing him off couldn't be any worse than what she'd heard from Fusco earlier.

_"Say it!"_ she shouted, trying to wriggle her wrist from his grip, but he held firm.

_"I'm warning you Joss…back off..."_

_"What is wrong with you?! What changed since Connecticut John? What?!"_ she shouted, finally snatching her wrist from his tight grip.

He was pissed but she didn't care, they needed to get it all out once and for all, and now was a better time than any. This was not a sexual fight. This was not a make up fight. This was a fight for what the future held for them, if one at all.

_"You want to know what changed? You!"_ he shouted as he walked toward the kitchen.

_"That's a damn lie and you know it!"_ she said, trailing his heels, not backing down from the fight.

John turned quickly and was close up in her face. Without thinking of the consequences of his words, in a shallow deep voice he spoke with conviction.

_"Is it? Is it a lie Joss? Because baby…the way I see it…you __**let**__ the bastard fuck you!" _

What she did next was almost sure to happen. She slapped John with all the force and anger she was harboring inside. His head swiftly turned to the side from the force of the slap. At that moment, the silence in the room was as thick as London fog. Neither of them moved from their positions, both releasing anger through tears slowly dripping from her eyes, welling up in his. His words stung as much as the slap.

_"Don't you __**ever**__…say that to me again…Never!"_

"Tell me it's not true then…" he said with subdued calmness.

John walked back into the living room and removed his phone from his coat pocket. He remained silent as he sat it down on the coffee table and pressed the **_play _**button. He sat down on the couch and waited.

There was no video only an audible recording that lasted for almost ten minutes. Beecher sent the recording to John from Connecticut using an app recorder. Somehow he had obtained John's number from her phone. After receiving the recording, John and Finch made a special trip to Connecticut.

The voices were clear and audible, and the conversation exchanged between the two, was not so innocent. The voices were unmistakably Joss and Beecher. She sank down slowly in the recliner, a hand slightly touching her lips, her eyes filled with shock and confusion as she listened to the conversation. Joss knew all to well what had gone on between her and Beecher that night, but never, never could she have foreseen him doing something like this.

**_...(voices are heard coming from the audio recording)..._**

_"Don't, I can't…this is wrong."_

_"To who, Joss…no one's here but us. No one has to know. Hell, we're two consenting adults…come on…come on…" _

**_…(the sound of seductive kissing and moaning)…_**

_"No…I can't…this isn't right…forget it…it's not worth it."_

_"It's going to be a while before the snowstorm let's up. We can't get back on the road until it does…just saying Joss. Hell, what better way to pass the time. A good fuck goes a long way baby."_

**_…(the sound of him trying to kiss her)…_**

_No! g'dammit Cal, that shit's not funny…Stop it!"_

**_…(the sound of pants unzipping)…_**

_"You know you want it...go ahead…yeah…you like that huh? Come on, throw them sexy legs over here and sit on it…I wanna' tap that fine ass."_

_"Get off me dammit! What the hell is wrong with you?! Move!...Get out! I'm leaving…storm or no fucking storm!...Don't touch me Beecher, I mean it! You're a sick son-of-a-bitch you know that?" _

_"Whatever…but you missed out on New York's finest baby! One fuck from me, and you'd forget that dude ever existed. Think your precious John will ever find out that we fucked each other tonight Joss?"_

**_…(the sound of a slap could be heard)…_**

_"That's a damn lie and you know it! Don't you touch me you sick bastard!"_

The remainder of the audio was inaudible as the recording ended.

They both sat quietly and stared at the phone. There it was…it was all out in the open now.

The reason for the seven hour delay in reaching their destination. The reason why John had warned her about getting caught up in situations that are sometimes beyond control. The reason why lies should never be told or covered up. In the end…the truth always prevail.

John looked over at her rubbing his chin in anticipation of an explanation, but what she'd just listened to, rendered her speechless for a brief moment. She looked over at John, his eyes still focused on her.

_"You wanted…the truth…dammit you got it", _she said calmly through defeated words.

Joss got up from the recliner and went into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. John sat quietly, wondering if he'd done the right thing. For several days he'd played the recording over and over again, trying to pretend to himself that it was no big deal, but it hurt like hell.

Beecher knew what he was doing when he recorded the whole scene. This was what other women had complained about whenever they'd go out on a date with him. Later, he'd brag about it to other cops and they'd get a big laugh out of it, while destroying others lives. All he'd ever received for his actions against women was a slap on the hand. Nothing more...nothing less.

John leaned forward, planting his elbows on his knees. He picked up the phone and placed it back into his coat pocket. He lowered his head trying to convince himself that it was only a brief moment of passion between them…nothing more. He hated the way in which he had approached her with the situation, but she had to know, and there was no easy way to do it.

There was no way in hell he was going to let Beecher come between him and Joss. He got up and walked back to the bedroom and opened the door. She was lying across the bed staring up at the recessed ceiling, tears rolling down the sides of her face. He walked over and sat down beside her and brushed her hair from her face. He didn't want to argue anymore, he just wanted to know where, in her life...did he fit in.

_"Do you have feelings for him?"_

Joss said nothing for almost a minute. She just lay there, staring up at the ceiling as tears silently rolled down her cheeks.

_"Joss…babe, please...just tell me, do you have feelings for him?" _he asked again, leaning forward with both arms propped on his knees and his fingertips pressed together.

_"No…John…How could you ask me that?"_

_"You made it easy for me. Why didyou kiss him like that?"_

_"Let it go John…You heard everything you wanted to hear in that message, that was it…there is no more." _

Joss sat up and leaned her back against the headboard. He got up and walked over and stood next to the door, leaning against it supportively, asking more questions, seeking more answers.

_"How far did he get?" _

_"Don't push it!…John...I told you, let it go." _she said as she reared her head back and began to rub up and down the front and sides of her neck, trying to release the tension and stress.

_"How far?"_

_"John…don't…don't say it, don't ask me anything. Leave it alone."_

_"Did he fuck you dammit!" _he shouted as he ran his hands over his head._ "I have a right to know Joss. Dammit! I have a right...to know."_

_"What the hell do you think? You heard the recording. You heard what I said to him!"_

_"…I'm suppose to believe you now…right?"_

Joss got up from the bed and walked over to him staring directly into his eyes.

_"You wanted the truth, so…there it is. Now…I'm done with this shit…but you…you have a choice to make. Stay…or go, it's your call. I won't stop you John. You know me." _

He stared back at her. The look in her eyes held a painful, undeniable truth, with no apologies. Nothing she could say now would hurt any less, at least that's what he thought. Joss reached down and grabbed his hand. She placed her hand inside his.

_"Take it off my finger John." _she said calmly, maintaining a fixed gaze into his eyes.

He hesitated, his eyes filled with tears, then slowly began to pull on the ring, keeping his teary eyes equally fixated on hers. Nothing happened. Joss raised an eyebrow at him. He tried pulling it again with all the strength he could muster, but it still wouldn't budge. John walked out of the bedroom toward the living room, pacing back and forth, repeating unintelligible words to himself over and over again.

_"This shit can't be happening!…This cannot be happening. I refuse to believe it...this shit can not be real!"_

Joss followed him into the living room. She was beginning to think that he'd really lost his damn mind. She slowly backed away from him, just in case she had to make a mad dash for her gun. John plopped down onto the couch looking bewildered and confused, staring out of the window, occasionally shaking his head and mumbling the word **no** beneath his breath.

While keeping her eyes fixed on him, Joss started pulling at the ring again, trying to remove it but it remained stuck. He looked at her, his mind seemingly far away as he remembered more of what his grandmother said to him that night.

His grandmother was of Greek and Navajo descent. She was stunningly beautiful. Her eyes were a pellucid shade of grey, which resulted in her having to wear dark shades whenever she was near light, especially during the day.

John reached for Joss hand and told her to sit next to him, he had more to tell her about the ring and what his grandmother said to him. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. At times, wanting to believe, at times, believing but thinking that it couldn't be true. But it had to be true. What he was saying to her made so much sense. It definitely explained why the ring would not come off her finger.

John could still hear the words his grandmother spoke that night as she stared at him, holding his eyes captive to hers. It was as if she was speaking through him. He could see the same captivated look in Joss eyes as he spoke the words his grandmother said to him.

_"Only in death will she be able to give it back to you, when you remove it from her finger. Only in death will she be able to remove the ring from her finger, when your soul is released from the world in which you live in now. True love, dear, holds the key to our hearts, the power of our strength to endure when our love is tested, when it is respected, when it is cherished, when it is worth fighting for. It is then, John, and only then…two hearts will beat as one. The love your grandfather and I shared will live on in this ring through the one in which you choose to love. Keep it safe and close to your heart dear. Keep it safe for her."_

He remembered how she kissed the ring before placing it in his hands. Then…he remembered how he'd laughed about it later, when he returned to his dorm room. He remembered thinking that his grandmother was just old and senile, she couldn't possibly know what she was talking about.

_"John!...John!...John!" _Joss had been yelling his name for almost two minutes.

_"I think…we need to talk."_ he said, holding her hands in his with a far away look in his eyes.

That night, it seemed that he was there, but not really there. Nothing made sense to them that night, and then again, everything made sense. Everything had happened just the way it was suppose to happen.

**Episode 2: In Different Directions **

_As the months pass, John and Joss careers take them in different directions. The distance between them grows wider and wider. Meanwhile, Taylor is preparing for graduation and leaving for the Military Academy. Joss finds herself trying to save her career after being set up by Detective Terney and HR, trying to save Elias, who has become the target of a hit placed on him by HR, and preparing to have to say goodbye to her son, not to mention the fact that John is never hardly around anymore to lean on for support._


	2. Episode 2: In Different Directions

_*A fan fiction story based on the Person of Interest characters. I own no copyrights to the characters or show. Thank you. Enjoy. _

* * *

**POI Fan Fiction Story: Love In Numbers**

**Chapter 6: Where Do I Fit In?**

**Episode 2: In Different Directions**_ – _As the months pass, John and Joss careers take them in different directions. Their demanding workloads causes their relationship to become somewhat strained at times, but they always manage to meet somewhere in the middle. Meanwhile, Taylor is preparing for graduation and leaving for the Military Academy for four years. Now, Joss finds herself trying to save her career after being sat up by Detective Terney and HR. Saving Elias, who has become the target of a hit placed on him by HR, and preparing to have to say goodbye to her son. She soon discovers that Detective Fusco is under investigation for the murder of a fellow cop, and Detective Cal Beecher has been murdered. With everything happening at once in her life, Joss feels that it is up to her to try to bring closure to many of the problems, to keep John from worrying about her so much.

* * *

**Episode 2: In Different Directions**

The holidays were finally over and the proof was in the pudding. Sad faces of kids could be seen everywhere. Some showed an anxiousness to return back to school, but others were not as welcoming to the intrusion of what they called their God given right to sleep in all day, eat leftover holiday food, and play or hang out at the mall with their friends, at least that was the topic of discussion within the Carter household.

John and Joss stood in the driveway waiting patiently that Sunday evening, waiting for her mother to arrive with Taylor. He seemed more eager than she did, well…almost. Finch had given John a weekend free of numbers which was perfect for what they'd planned. Now that him and Joss had finally put the whole Beecher situation behind them, they could finally move on with their lives and make plans for the future.

The importance of the fight they had last night, pretty much had defined their future together. There were moments of pain, selfishness, forgiveness, moments that their love and strength were tested, but Joss and John were able to talk it through, and both agreed that a break up was not even up for discussion.

They talked until the early morning hours, clearing the air about everything that had happened between them over the last few months. Although the fight was not about sex, when they had said all that they needed to say to each other, a more passionate moment of forgiveness was inevitable.

The words that his grandmother spoke that night to John, suddenly had new meaning for him and Joss. The love his grandparents shared was now the same kind of love he was ready to share with Joss. He realized that his grandmother could have chosen his brother to give the ring too, after all, his brother married first, but the ring had been chosen for John. Now he knew just how much it meant to his grandmother for him to find his true love. He knew now that Joss would always be the love of his life.

The two of them were anxiously awaiting Taylor's arrival so that they could get his input and approval. John was ready to take their relationship to the next level. He wanted to become engaged to Joss, but not without Taylor and her mother's approval.

It was a little after five in the evening and cold as hell, but they waited outside anyway, keeping warm by hugging each other and engaging in quick snowball fights. John was chasing her around the truck when her mother pulled up with Taylor.

_"What's this…the honeymoon phase?"_ she asked Joss.

They ran up to her and Taylor, showering them with kisses and hugs. Joss grabbed Taylor and squeezed him breathless, while John reached behind her and fist bumped him. They spent the remainder of the four hours that her mother would be there, chatting about everything, while John and Taylor played a little one-on-one basketball out back. About an hour before her mother prepared to leave for Connecticut, John asked for their full attention.

He reached for Joss hand and pulled her up from the couch. They stood in front of her mother and Taylor, both holding hands and admiringly gazing into each other eyes.

_"Mom…Taylor, Joss and I would like to share something with the two of you that we hope will be received with happiness, as much happiness as the two of us feel right this moment."_

The anxiousness was written all over Taylor and his grandmother's faces. They had a pretty good idea where John was going with all of this talk, but they were both willing to let him finish without giving away their pre-acceptance.

_"Joss and I talked about a lot last night and one thing we were sure of, we are both ready for the next level of our relationship, so we both agree that we would like to become engaged…that is…if it's all right with the two of you."_

They stared at Taylor and her mom, both were smiling, grandma eyes were filled with tears. No one saw it coming, but grandma stood and twirled around with her hands in the air, thanking God that they had finally come to their senses and realized that they were meant to be together. Taylor was more subdued with his joy. He walked up to John and shook his hand, and then looked at his mom as if reassuring her that he approved, before kissing her on the cheek.

Her mother was elated to see them move on, and she also knew that it was best they cleared the air of all that was crippling their relationship. She told them that even though they had moved to the next level of their relationship, there would always be obstacles in their lives that they would have to jump over or walk around. _"True love will always be tested"_, she said to them, but it would be up to the two of them to not let anyone or anything come between what they had fought so hard to have with each other. When it was time for mom to leave, everyone said their goodbyes and Taylor walked her to the car. His grandmother was just as important to him as his mother.

This was something that they wanted to take their time doing, to make sure that both were ready when the day came for him to ask for her hand in marriage. Out of respect for Taylor, John suggested that it would be better to meet at his place whenever they wanted to spend time together. After all, what was two months? Taylor would be leaving for the Military Academy in two months, the least they could do was show him respect.

Monday morning arrived with a bang! Joss had just made it back to her apartment after spending the night with John. There was something about the whole _meeting at his place thing_ that was arousing, sexy and fun. The passion was even greater, as he anticipated her arrival.

Taylor was already up and ready for school. One of his friends were lucky enough to get a car for Christmas and asked if he'd like to ride with him to school from now on, that is…if his mom allowed it. Joss had mixed emotions about it, but realized that he wasn't a kid anymore, he was a young adult, capable of making his own decisions, she just hoped he'd make the right ones.

After showering and dressing for work, Joss arrived at the Precinct rearing to go. Before she could sit down behind her desk, the Captain walked out of his office with an emergency call for duty.

_"Carter, Fusco…there's been a shooting in Bayside…get over there…now."_ he said, and walked back into his office. They looked at each other and smiled.

_"Welcome back…Carter…Ready?"_ he asked as he winked at her.

_"Ready…"_ she replied with a smile.

They grabbed what they needed and headed for the door. Joss and Fusco arrived in Bayside, one of New York's most expensive and safest areas to live. They were not prepared for what or who they'd find dead at the scene. They soon realized just what they were dealing with. It was just as they'd thought, a mafia-style hit, the only kind of crime that was happening in the Bayside area.

Fusco was inspecting one of the bodies covered with a white sheet, when he heard Joss scream. He raced over to where she was standing, with a look of total shock.

"Carter!...what is it?"

She could only point down at the covered body. Fusco kneeled down and slowly pulled back the sheet. He turned his head away from the body.

"Shit!" he said as he slowly stood.

The body lying beneath the sheet was Detective Cal Beecher. He had been shot five times. One bullet enlarged in the center of his forehead, one in the neck, two near his heart, and one in his left eye. The scene was gruesome. Joss ran outside and leaned over, releasing any food contents she had in her stomach. Fusco walked up to her and gently rubbed her back, and stayed with her for a few minutes making sure she would be all right.

Even though she despised Beecher, seeing him like this was devastating, especially knowing that it had only been a few weeks since they had rode together to Connecticut. No one deserved to die like that. While sitting on the steps, outside the building, John called her phone.

_"Joss…babe…are you all right?"_

_"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine. Where are you?" _

_"Get up and walk over to your car."_

John was parked in a black sedan two cars down from her car. As Fusco and other cops handled the crime scene, Joss walked over to her car and saw John standing a few feet away. They ran up to each other and embraced. Joss felt so safe in his arms. He kissed her on the forehead and held her tight in his arms.

_"One of the victims...John, is Cal Beecher."_ She said, looking up at him.

_"I know, Finch told me. Any idea why someone would want him dead?"_

_"I don't know John. Beecher destroyed a lot of people lives, you know that. I just got to believe that he might have tried the wrong person and went too far."_

Joss laid her head on his chest as he held her close. He told her that he would be at the loft later, waiting for her. It would be better to meet at his place tonight to keep Taylor from being subjected to the situation. Meanwhile...Finch was still working tirelessly to fix the Machine. John knew that Beecher's murder should have been detected by the Machine.

The other victim's body was riddled with bullets, and from the looks of it, there were extensive damage done inside his mouth, which was definitely a trademark signature left behind to prove a point. After Joss and Fusco scanned the neighborhood talking to a few witnesses who weren't afraid to talk, they found out that Carl Elias was behind the hit, even in prison he was able to organize and carry it out. Word soon got back to Elias that two of New York's finest was tracking his actions, declaring to bring him and his empire down.

After calling Taylor to let him know that she would not be home tonight, Joss arrived at the loft around midnight, and John was waiting, just as he said he would. They talked about Beecher's death for a while, and both were genuinely upset over the terrible way in which he'd died. Later, after the two of them took a long hot shower, they spent a wonderful night together.

For two weeks straight Joss and Fusco worked around the clock arresting several of Elias men, and he was not pleased at all with what was happening. He ordered Captain Lynch to put a hit on Carter, using Fusco to lead them to her. When John discovered, by way of Fusco, that HR was gunning for Joss, he went straight to the top and threatened the entire police department. His threat was real, with no apology attached.

Joss was now becoming accustom to John protecting her, and had to admit that it felt damn good to know that he'd always be there, no matter what. Their relationship had blossomed and the love between them was intoxicating.

A week later, Joss received word from John and Finch that five Italian mob bosses had been targeted by Carl Elias. Four of them were well-known for recent murders they had committed, which included Zambrano, Caparelli, Gianni Moretti, and his son Gianni Moretti, Jr., who just happened to be Elias half brother.

John and Finch knew that Elias was behind the targeted hits. He had recently transferred over four million dollars to different locations. Each location was an assigned refuge of a high-priced hit man. Joss and Fusco discovered that Elias had HR's full support. She soon realized that there was no one she could trust within the police department, with the exception of Fusco, and she was beginning to have doubts about his validity.

John always managed to get her to see and think things through more logically. With their workloads increasing, spending time together was beginning to be more and more difficult to do. Occasionally, they would steal away to relieve the stress, but their visits were becoming few in between.

While Joss worked endlessly to try to bring down Elias and his men, John and Finch worked just as hard trying to fix the virus that had hit the Machine. As the winter months began to slowly fade, and March winds blew in with beautiful, cool crisp air, Joss realized that in two months, Taylor would be leaving for the Military Academy in Virginia.

She had been so caught up in work, she had almost forgotten that in two months her son would not be walking through the door of the apartment anymore, or sitting down to eat dinner with her anymore. He would be graduating from high school in June, and leaving home for four years, the following month of July. Tonight she'd planned a special home cooked meal just for the two of them. Joss was determined to make it her top priority to spend every single moment that she could with her son.

John was deeply caught up in his work, racing against the clock to help Finch keep the Machine from falling into the wrong hands. He hadn't called her in almost a week, and was having to spend more time with three different women, one of which she had met before, Zoe Morgan.

The other two women in his life were strangers to her. Joss understood that his work entailed having to work with beautiful women, and she had grown accustom to seeing him around them from time to time, but it still stung a little when she'd see him in their presence, mainly because they were not shy at showing their affection for him. When he wasn't calling in a favor from Zoe Morgan, he was often spotted riding around town with his new partner in crime, Sam Shaw, or fighting against his nemesis, and ex-partner in crime, Kara Stanton.

After Taylor arrived home from school that Friday evening, Joss had the table set and dinner ready and waiting. He was looking forward to spending the weekend with his grandmother in Connecticut, but soon found out that his mother had called and cancelled the weekend trip. She really needed and wanted to spend time with him.

They sat across the table from each other enjoying the wonderful dinner she had prepared, but Joss noticed that he was nibbling and raking the food around in his plate as if he had a lot on his mind.

_"What's wrong 'T'?" _she asked, looking over at him with concern in her eyes and heart.

_"It's…It's nothing mom…don't worry about it"_, he responded as he continued to play around with the food on his plate.

Joss couldn't stand it when he did that to his food. Taylor was seventeen and should know better. With a combination of the stress of her job, him leaving in two months, and John's hectic work hours, she was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

She pounded her fist on the kitchen table in frustration of Taylor playing around with his food. Joss had never been this upset around her son. He jumped from the sound of her pounding the table with her fist. All he could do was stare at her in disbelief.

_"Dammit 'T'! Stop that!"_ she shouted.

Taylor was not pleased with her actions and the way in which she had been moping around for the last few days, snapping and yelling over minor things.

_"I'm not hungry, may I be excused?"_ he asked with a stoic look on his face as if he was angry with her.

She looked at him, and then at the half-eaten plate of food. Thinking of the poverty rate of people here in America alone, she was not pleased with him leaving food on his plate.

_"No…you may not be excused. Sit down 'T' and eat your dinner!"_ she shouted raising a hand up to her forehead, the fork dangling between her fingers.

_"Mom…what is wrong with you? You've been walking around for days acting angry and shouting a lot. What's wrong mom?"_

He was truly concerned and wanted to know if he had done anything to upset her, but Joss assured him that it wasn't him. There was so much happening in her life right now that she could hardly deal with it anymore.

_"Then what is it? Has something happened between you and Mr. Reese? I've noticed it mom, you guys never seem to have much time for each other anymore. It's over between the two of you, isn't it?"_

Joss looked over at her son with tears in her eyes. How could she explain it to him? How could she get him to understand that the love between her and John is untouchable, unbreakable, secure. She got up from the table, walked into the living room and curled up in the recliner. Taylor got up from the table and walked into the living room. He kneeled down in front of her and held her hands.

_"Mom…I'm sorry, I really am. I know how much he means to you. Tell me what to do to help you get through this mom…and I'll do it."_

She looked into his sad teary eyes and grabbed him, holding him in her arms. He was seventeen, but at that moment, it felt as if he was only six or seven. Joss knew that the stress of her work had now crossed over into her personal life, and she was not going to let that happen. She leaned his head back and stared into his eyes.

_"You listen to me sweetheart…it's always been just you and me, and we did just fine without anyone else being here. You are all that I worry about Taylor. John and I, baby...we're fine. Everything between us is just fine. We will find time to spend together, you let us worry about that…" _

_"But…but mom, I know how much he means to you. When you and Mr. Reese are together, the love between the two of you is unbelievable. The way the two of you make each other laugh and smile…mom, don't you miss that when he's not here?" _

She smiled at him and continued with what she was trying to say.

_"Sure, I miss him when he's not here, but I know it's not permanent, his absence is not permanent. Besides, having you here with me, helps me to get through the tough times when I really miss him. Look…I need to show you something Taylor, and maybe you will understand better, why I feel that no matter where John might be, he's still right here with us."_

She held out her hand and pointed at the ring on her finger.

_"Pull it off Taylor", _she said.

Joss knew what would happen, but he had no idea why she was asking him to take the ring off of her finger that John had given her.

_"Mom…I…"_

_"Sssh…just…pull it off."_

Taylor pulled at the ring but it would not move. He looked at his mom, confused and unsure of what was happening. She nodded her head as if telling him to try again. So he pulled at it harder, but still nothing happened. It wouldn't move at all.

_"Now, son…watch"_, she said as she twirled the ring around on her finger.

The look in his eyes were undeniably a look of total shock and confusion. He was almost speechless, with his mouth agape and eyes stretched wide, but he managed to say a few words.

_"Mom…I…you can't…this can't be real…this…"_

Joss smiled at him and nodded, assuring him that it was real. She told him to sit down on the couch. Joss talked for almost an hour, telling him about the ring John's grandmother gave him, and what he had told her his grandmother said before she died.

Taylor could not believe what he was hearing. He kept running his hands over his face and head. Never had he heard a story filled with so much mystery. But what his mother told him relieved him of the worry over whether or not the love between them was real. Taylor knew that they still loved each other and that meant a lot to him.

Suddenly, he remembered the message he had sent to John earlier, telling him how much he missed him, even though he knew that it was probably over between his mom and him. He wanted John to know that he wasn't upset with him if he had ended the relationship with his mother, but at least he could have called and talked to him about it. Taylor had no idea that, that was the furthest thing from John's mind.

After Joss and Taylor cleaned up the kitchen, they decided to catch a nine o'clock movie. It was a toss up between **Safe Haven** or **The Wolverine**. Standing in the center of the living room, dressed and ready to go, Taylor removed a coin from his pocket, told his mother to call it first, "_heads_" was her choice, so "_tails_" it was for him.

Taylor flipped the coin in mid air, catching it and securing it with a slap on the wrist. He slowly removed his hand.

_"Tails it is mom!…Wolverine! Wolverine! Wolverine!"_ he shouted repeatedly, while imitating the 'moonwalk' dance.

Taylor jumped up and down with excitement, knowing that they would be watching The Wolverine, his choice. Joss rolled her eyes upward and grabbed her handbag and keys.

_"Come on…let's go, but I still think you cheated"_, she said, laughing as they left the apartment.

The movie ended around eleven. For two…long…agonizing hours, she'd sat through the movie listening to Taylor's different levels of excitement when something happened that he thought was cool. After they left the theater, the two of them arrived back at the apartment around midnight. Being that it was the weekend and she didn't have to work, and he had no school, time was not an issue.

Joss unlocked the door and both entered laughing and talking about the movie. At first, they didn't notice John lying down on the couch, not until she switched on the light. Joss jumped back and screamed, as Taylor ran and got in front of her to protect her. John laughed and sat up on the couch.

_"I wondered when you two night owls would get back home."_ he said as he reached for both of them with open arms.

They ran over and grabbed him, Joss sat on one side of him, while Taylor sat on the other side. Question after question after question poured from their mouths as John tried to answer both of them at the same time. He had never felt so bombarded and so loved in all his life.

_"Hold up…hold up",_ Joss said, waving both hands in the air. _"This isn't working. He can't answer both of us at the same time 'T'._

_"Try me"_ he said, as he winked and kissed her cheek.

After answering as many questions as he could, to pacify them both, John walked Taylor to his bedroom so that he could have a chat with him. The two of them sat on the side of his bed. He told Taylor that lately his work had become more demanding, and there would be times when he might not be able to visit as often as he would like, but John wanted him to know that he would always come back, no matter what, because he loved them both, and his heart they were already a family.

He assured Taylor that he would be there for his graduation and when it was time for him to leave for the Academy. Nothing would be able to keep him from attending either ceremony. He made a promise to Taylor that he'd always be there for him.

_"Mr. Reese…aren't you going to stay here tonight?"_ Taylor asked, looking over at John who was now standing near the doorway of his bedroom.

_"Taylor, I don't…"_

_"Please, it's ok. I mean…you and mom are already married in your hearts, and…the love that you guys have for each other, why can't you be together now? I mean, I don't see anything wrong with you and my mom being together…morning and night. So…please, stay. She really need you right now."_

John looked at him and smiled.

_"Are you sure son?" _

Taylor nodded in approval. He knew deep in his heart that John would never do anything disrespectful toward him or his mom, and as far as he was concerned, it just felt right for them to be together and not away from each other. Before walking out of the room, John looked back at Taylor and smiled.

_"I love you son"_, he said.

_"I love you too…dad"_ Taylor reciprocated with laughter.

John closed the door behind him as he exited the room, but not before throwing one of the big fluffy pillows from the floor, over in Taylor's direction.

It was around two in the morning, and after they'd made love, John held her in his arms. It had been a few weeks since they last spent that kind of quality time together. He explained to Joss about events that were happening and why he had to be away more.

She understood most of what he'd told her, but still felt as if she had been pushed aside a little. He promised her that he'd do better. They made love again before drifting off to sleep around four that morning.

After John left, gloominess filled the air, but not for long. Joss and her son decided to do a little shopping together. Taylor met up with some of his friends and told his mom that they would bring him home. She checked each of them out, reassuring them that she was a cop, and if they did anything out of the norm, and didn't have her son home by eleven, she would send a squad car out to look for them. She laughed but it scared the hell out of the young men. Taylor looked on in shame as his mother turned and walked away, laughing at their expense.

The month of June arrived quicker than Taylor or his mom was prepared for. Graduation Day was scheduled for the seventeenth of June, and they had only two weeks to prepare. Grad practices were being held every evening after school, and Taylor was getting home later and later. Joss was worried that she was losing her son to the real world a little too soon.

**Episode 3: Cadet Carter**

_Graduation Day finally arrives, and even though Joss is very happy and proud of her son, her heart is aching, just knowing that one week after graduation, another ceremony will be held for all Cadets who have been accepted and enrolled into the Military Academy in the state of Virginia. John knows that this will be an unusually depressing week for Joss, and he has taken time out from his busy schedule to spend a few days with her, to help her cope with Taylor leaving home for the first time._


	3. Episode 3: Cadet Carter

_*A fan fiction story based on the Person of Interest characters. I own no copyrights to the characters or show. Thank you. Enjoy. _

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**POI Fan Fiction Story: Love In Numbers**

**Chapter 6: Where Do I Fit In?**

**Episode 3: Cadet Carter**_ –_ _Taylor's big day has finally arrived, but his mom cannot help but feel the loneliness of him leaving home soon. When July arrives, and the Cadet Ceremony takes place, Joss, surrounded by John, her mother, Finch, and Fusco, all attend, but all men eyes are on her, knowing that her son have been a daily part of her life for seventeen years, and without him around, she might not cope too well with his absence. Meanwhile, the moment approaches for the transfer of Carl Elias at the behest of HR. Joss, now working without the assistance of Detective Fusco, who is still under investigation, vows do whatever she can to prevent Elias murder. There will be a lot of twists and turns in the final few Chapters left in this Carter and Reese love story. The end will not disappoint._

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**Chapter 6: Where Do I Fit In?**

**Episode 3: Cadet Carter**

A few days later, Joss arrived at work earlier than usual. There was a folder on her desk with a note attached which read, "**Open Immediately**". When she opened the folder, inside was a picture of Detective Fusco and a report detailing how he'd murdered a fellow cop. Joss was shocked and couldn't believe what she was reading. She had to sit down but her knees wouldn't bend, her legs felt wobbly, this could not be true, this was not her Detective Fusco.

She eased down in her chair and read the rest of the report. Joss called the only person she knew who would give her sound advice on how to handle the situation, but John was less than agreeable, and felt that she was not being fair in her judgment of Fusco.

Her trust in Detective Fusco was fading fast, including the friendship they had forged. She felt as if she had been backed against a wall and didn't know who she could trust anymore. John was very little help since he was tied up with Finch and trying to find out why the Machine had not provided a number in over ten days.

He advised her to at least give Fusco a chance to explain himself without being too judgmental of him. Joss and Detective Fusco's working relationship and friendship was strained from that moment on. She felt that even if she gave him a chance, she would never be able to trust him again.

Meanwhile, Finch discovered that the virus in the Machine was caused by a company called Decima. The inconsistency of the numbers that the Machine had been providing, sent John on a shadow chase behind a man by the name of Ernest Thornhill, thought to be buying up pay phone companies.

Joss, in the meantime, had temporarily been assigned to work with Detective Terney until Fusco's investigation was over. It didn't take long for her to soon discover that Terney was one of HRs most corrupt cops. While out investigating a shooting, Terney planned to shoot and kill Joss, and then pin the murder on a perpetrator at the scene. But things did not go as planned when she shot and killed the perpetrator.

With his plan crumbling down around him, Terney claimed that the assailant had no weapon in his hand when Joss shot and killed him. Now under investigation for the shooting, she knew that she would have to deal with Internal Affairs, and could possibly be suspended. It wasn't long before Joss figured out that it was all a trap, set up by Terney and HR to bring her down, and keep her from exposing the corruption within the department.

After returning to the Precinct she was taken into the interrogation room, and later accosted by Terney when he walked into the room to have a quick chat with her. At first Joss thought that he was genuinely concerned for her well-being, but when Terney threatened to do the same to her, and possibly her son, that was done to Detective Beecher, she knew that she had been framed and her life was now in jeopardy.

The coldness of his threat angered Joss giving her more of a reason to try to rescue Elias. With John out of the city working along side Sam Shaw, Joss called Finch and asked if he could track Terney's phone for her. Once the force pairing was complete, Joss overheard Terney discussing with another officer what their plans were for Elias, and how they planned to make it look like an execution style shooting.

But now that John was caught up in a race to save the Machine, he had little to no time to devote to helping Joss through the predicament she now faced. She did manage to get one call through and asked John for advice on how to handle the murder plot against Carl Elias. As far as John was concerned, Elias should get just what was coming to him, especially after he kidnapped Taylor and then tried to have her killed. John was not on her side with the need to help Elias. He felt no pity or shame in his potential demise. After Joss finished the brief conversation with John she knew what she had to do.

Meanwhile, two weeks later, both the day of graduation and the Cadet Ceremony arrived, one behind the other. The Cadet Ceremony was moved up a week earlier due to severe weather conditions, pushing the date for Taylor to have to leave for the Academy up one week as well.

Everything was perfect at both ceremonies, with the exception of Joss fighting back tears. As promised, John was right there waiting to congratulate Taylor for a job well done for graduating with high honors, and then again when he marched across the stage dressed in his military cadet uniform one week later.

Finch had booked dinner for everyone at an expensive restaurant to be attended after the Ceremony. Later, John and Finch presented Taylor with a generous gift. The two men set up an open, unlimited account for him to use for any emergency or need. They did not want him to worry about anything except graduating from the Academy with honors.

Fusco's gift was more or less in the form of good, sound advice. He suggested that Taylor steer clear of bars during weekend passes, it could end up in a nasty divorce. Despite the fact that nothing Fusco said made any sense, everyone glared over at him shaking their heads in total disbelief.

_"What?...it's good advice. Wish someone had warned me thirty years ago, hell it would have saved me a whole lot of pain and money in the end. Listen kid, you do what your Uncle Fusco said, and you'll thank me for it one day."_ he said, leaning in closer to Taylor.

As the dinner party was winding down, Taylor and his mom stood out onto the balcony of the beautiful restaurant. The moment was special and beautiful as everyone else sitting at the table, including John, stared out at them dancing to the soft music playing in the background. It was the perfect mother-son last dance. The moment was so beautiful and heartwarming many snapped photos of them dancing as they gazed into each others eyes, smiling warmly and reassuring each other that everything would be all right.

One week later after Taylor had been shipped off to attend the Military Academy for four years, Joss felt completely lost without her son being around. She tried, for John's sake to put on a happy face and pretend that she was fine without Taylor being there, but John could see that she really wasn't.

One night around two in the morning, John awoke to find that she was not in bed. He had a pretty good idea though where she might be. He walked into Taylor's room and saw her curled up in the center of his bed, gripping one of his shirts. John had never experienced anything like this and could clearly see that this was ripping her heart apart, and when her heart was breaking, so was his.

He walked over to Joss and eased down beside her on the bed. John wrapped his arms around her and assured her that she needed to release the heartache and hurt. He wanted her to just release the tears she had been holding back, and the emotions of not having her son there especially after he'd been around her for seventeen years. John understood how that might make her feel alone but he assured her again that she would never be alone, not as long as he was in her life, and as far as he was concerned it would be forever.

Joss began to cry softly but within seconds she was screaming and repeating out loud that _she was not ready for her son to leave her_. She punched the bed with clenched fists as she released all of her pinned up emotions. John pulled her up to him and held her head close to his body as she pounded his bare chest with her fists, still repeating that _she was not ready for Taylor to leave her_.

By now the tears in his eyes were rolling slowly down his cheeks. He could not stand to see her cry knowing that her heart was filled with so much pain. John rocked her in his arms as he continued to hold her head close to his chest. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tight. He could feel the emotion within as her body trembled from every release of the heartache she felt.

They did not bother to go back to her bedroom. For the remainder of the night the two of them curled up in Taylor's bed. She inched her body very close to John as if she was afraid that he too would not be there when she awake.

Earlier that morning, Joss eased out of bed around seven-thirty. She showered and dressed, drank a glass of juice and nibbled on toast. She didn't bother to wake John, especially after he hope her get through such a tough night, Joss felt he probably needed to sleep in a little longer today. Besides, it felt so good having him there with her and she was not ready to turn him back over to Finch right now.

An hour later Joss sat on the full ledge of the bay window, staring out at passer bys below. Being that this was the weekend and kids were out and about everywhere, she lost herself in thoughts of Taylor's childhood.

Joss did not hear John when he entered the living room. For almost twenty minutes he leaned against the wall watching her as she moved her hands from her face down to her slightly raised knees, leaning forward and laying her head on her legs. Then she'd slowly raise up and stare out of the window again seemingly in deep thought.

He couldn't help but notice the cute little white silk chemise she was wearing with matching panties. He'd always admired her natural beauty and the soft warm glow of her caramel skin. She always portrayed an heir of exotic beauty to John that was not fake, but overtly visible and genuine.

He watched as she appeared to be in deep thought as she pulled at the strings on one of the pillows. John walked over and sat down on the ledge in front of her and smiled. She looked at him with innocence as if she had freed all of her inhibitions and emotions. Joss canted her head to the side and smiled at John, her beautiful black hair flowing in waves down around her face, neck and shoulders.

God she looked so beautiful, so peaceful as if she really had let go of her emotions. Their eyes locked as Joss sat still and silent, her hands clasped together and up to her mouth. She stared at John entrancing him with her eyes, uttering not one word.

He stared at her with the same entrancement in his eyes, neither of them saying a word but speaking loud and clear to each other soul, heart and mind. Occasionally Joss would unclasp two of her fingers and press them against her lips maintaining the deep gaze she had fixated on him. For almost ten minutes the two of them just sat there staring at each other. It was as if their eyes were holding conversation. Neither could deny the passion they were feeling, the desire and want.

John slid close to her and slowly leaned in to kiss her lips, briefly pausing a few times before allowing his lips to touch hers. She sat silent and still allowing his mouth to roam her face as he planted sweet gentle pecks on her face. She nudged his lips as she slowly moved her head slightly up and down, brushing her face up against his, as if engaged in a mating ritual. His kisses traveled slowly down to her neck as she reared her head back, her hair dangling down and teasing his hand to frenzied arousal.

She'd made it so easy for him, wearing the spaghetti strapped white silk chemise that stopped midway her thighs. John slowly brushed the straps downward and watched as they slid down her arms. Now, with no support the gown slid down to her waist baring her full, perky breasts and soft beautiful caramel skin, glowing from rays of early morning sunlight dancing across her body. She allowed him to devour one breast into his steamy mouth, and then the other as she moaned from the touch of his wet tongue against her hardened nipples. She could feel the gyration of his hard penis thumping in her hand as she held it tight, slowly running her fingers up and down teasing the head, knowing that he was ready to explode.

He was more than ready and she knew it. John pulled her up from the bay window ledge, her gown falling completely from her body leaving only the white silk panties clinging sexually to her. He pinned her body against the wall running his hand up and down her thighs and between her legs, pulling her panties down around her thighs allowing them to fall to the floor, as he fondled the very essence of her womanhood, sucking, nibbling and licking her back, teasing erotic spots with his tongue. Without speaking she pressed her ass up against his hard on, provocatively wiggling and grinding herself into him inviting him in.

He wanted her, he wanted her badly, wanted to consume every inch of her as she moaned seductively without uttering a word. Her silence increased his need to be in control of the passion he was about to release inside of her. This was their moment of renewed ecstasy, renewed passion filled with silent burning desires and urges beyond their control. John lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom, kissing her with passion and fiery desire, nipping at her chin and lips. They said nothing to each other, not wanting to lose one moment of the passion they had stoked to fruition. The silence was intoxicating, arousing both to their highest peaks of release, both fighting with their need to hold back just a little longer.

He laid her down in the middle of the bed, hovering over her John pulled her legs up across his shoulders. Joss could see the ripples of his muscles flexing as he positioned himself to give her what she desired, what she wanted, what she needed, and what she needed was him, what she wanted was him, what she desired more than anything right now was him, loving her and taking what he wanted and desired with no apologies. She could feel the last breath of air seep from her body when he thrust himself inside of her and with steady precision, churned deeper and deeper until she completely took him, encaging every inch with pulsating walls locking him in. The warmth of her juices held John captive as he stared at her with tears in his eyes.

Joss knew that he had surrendered himself to her. He eased her legs down and positioned himself on top of her and began to hump her with quick repetitious slow strokes, his body moving slowly up and down her body as she moaned breathlessly having completely surrendered herself to him now. Amid the secured sound of flowing juices saturating together, John pounded the headboard with his fist, unable to speak the words he wanted to say. It felt so damn good to be inside of her, so damn good! He wanted to say what he was feeling but the passion held his words captive as he continued to fuck her slow and hard, moving up and down, grinding himself deeper with each stroke.

Joss closed her eyes with tears rolling down the sides of her face as he pinned her hands above her head, humping her with short repeated jerks, grunting and moaning in rhythm with each wet stroke, kissing and sucking her breasts as she wiggled to free her hands pinned beneath the firmness of his. He heaved his body hard against hers, moving with speed up and down, up and down, faster and faster. Her mind was consumed with dizzying passion and ecstasy. She was about to scream when John placed his mouth completely over hers and allowed her screams and moans to enter into him. He could taste the passion being released from her mouth, intoxicating his mind feverishly as he continued to fuck her hard and fast with deep precise strokes entering in and out of her.

Both had reached the moment of release as their bodies trembled, the grips of their hands tightened, their eyes glazed over with blind passion. His moan was deep and growing deeper as it reached the surface, meeting the flow of his semen as he emptied himself inside her. She released her juices in unison with his moaning with seductive whispers of satisfaction from what he had given her. John gently nudged her face toward his and thrust his tongue deep inside her mouth leaving no room for her to breathe as she gasped for air, her body weakening to his demands, allowing him to take what was left of her.

When it was over John pulled the love of his life close to him holding her in his arms. Joss had completely engaged his heart to hers as he lay there thinking of how unlivable life would be without her. The more he thought of it the tighter he held her body close to his. She had completely captured his soul, captured his heart, his mind. She belonged to him and he belonged to her now.

For the next three days he watched as she seemed to accept that Taylor would be away from her for a while. They made love repeatedly, day and night, whenever they could steal a moment. By the end of August she had fully accepted Taylor's absence from the apartment. Joss was beginning to receive calls from her son, assuring her that he was having the time of his life and had made a few friends. He assured his mom that he loved the Academy and was really looking forward to learning as much as he could. Taylor admitted to her that the first couple of weeks were tough as he struggled to cope with not being around her.

Once John realized that she would be all right, he resumed his role trying to help Finch and Sam save the Machine, and keep it from falling into hands of the wrong people before it was too late. Finch had tracked one of the investors seeking to buy rights to the Machine. His last known location had John and Sam traveling halfway around the world to the Greek Island of Paros. Finch paid all expenses for them to stay at the Fragoulis Village resort, where the investor resided across the bay of Parikia.

Meanwhile, Detective Fusco had finally been exonerated from criminal charges when the body of the cop he killed could not be produced. Unknowing to Fusco, Joss...with the assistance of John's best friend..._Bear,_ had removed the remains of the dead cop Fusco murdered.

Joss had now taken it upon herself to handle things in a totally different manner than what she had been accustom. No longer was she going to be the _angel with a badge_ cop that everyone knew and admired. She was beginning to realize that people in the world were cruel, cold and heartless, always taking what they wanted, and she was tired of not being on the receiving end. From that point on things were going to be different.

Feeling as if she had no one she could trust anymore or turn to, Joss was prepared to do what she had to do to keep HR from murdering Carl Elias with or without help. After trying to call and locate John for almost an hour, she was finally able to contact Finch.

When she asked Finch if he knew of John's whereabouts, he told her that John was in Greece with Agent Shaw, tracking a suspected espionage spy seeking to purchase the rights to the Machine. He urged her not to divulge what he had told her to anyone because of the complexity of the assignment, which could prove destructive to US and other world leaders, resulting in countless fatalities.

Joss posed another question asking if John would be returning soon. Finch hesitated, but assured her that John and Agent Shaw would probably be there for at least two weeks at the most. Although she was not too pleased to hear that John was not alone, Joss knew that in his line of work this was almost sure to happen often, and she was more than willing to accept what his work entailed.

Joss knew that tonight was the night that Elias would be transferred to another prison by HR dirty cops and she had decided that she would risk everything to keep him from being murdered. After donning a black hood and dark clothes, she followed Detective Terney and HR cops to the location where they planned to execute Elias.

Just as they were about to open fire on Elias, Joss opened fire on them taking out as many dirty cops as she could. She grabbed Elias and jumped into a black SUV as she sped off into the darkness with no idea of where she would take him for safety. Problem...? She left Detective Terney breathing after knocking him out cold with the butt-end of the gun.

After removing the black cover from his head, Elias realized who'd just saved his life. The one person that he thought would never come to his aide, had just saved his life. Joss and Elias were now on the run from HR crooked cops with nowhere to go. She realized that with the finality of Detective Fusco's investigation hanging in the balance, and John away in Greece, there was no one she could turn to for help, maybe with the exception of Harold Finch, but he was not one to volunteer too much help.

Finally…for the first time, Joss felt that she was all alone.

**Chapter 7: Where You 'Gone Run To?**

**A/N:**_ This Chapter picks up where God Mode left off but helps to conclude the entire love story I am writing between Carter & Reese. I have given my spin on how I would have liked to see things go from the God Mode finale. Hope everyone enjoy the read. Remember...it's only a fan fiction revised version of the TV series, and I have taken the characters where the TV writers dare not._

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**Episode 1: Alone**

_Joss now has her own problems to deal with as she attempts to save the life of a man she loathes, crime boss Carl Elias. Feeling left out by John and Finch, and with Fusco under investigation, she has taken it upon herself to rescue Elias after HRs crooked cops plot to "__**take him out**__". She has risked everything to do what she think is right, regardless of his life of crime. After rescuing Elias, Joss has no clue what to do next or where to go. Soon, she will discover that there is more to Carl Elias than she could ever have imagined, including those who thought they knew his true identity, with the exception of Finch and John. Both men know all about Carl Elias and his past, which holds the truth of who he really is. As the clock ticks down, John races back from Greece when he learns that Joss is missing. When he discovers who she was last seen in the presence of, John and Detective Fusco race against the clock to find her before it's too late, as John's anger and rage explodes._


End file.
